I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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