I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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