he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.