just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together