You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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