I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?