i think my tv is drunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
