omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
