I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
