Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Two words: blizzard sex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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