I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
