girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
