Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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