if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
