just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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