i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
