is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
