It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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