Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so much tequila, so little girl.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
