I think my fart just growled at me.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize