I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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