She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
