if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
