I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize