And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
