the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
