I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
