I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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