I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
