You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
