my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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