Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
