I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
