he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
