i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize