R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
