Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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