Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
