The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
