I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
