We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
