i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
