I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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