i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we made out on top of his cat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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