The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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