their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
