I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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