So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
