I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
