If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
