The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company