Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out