Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just shotgunned beers for America
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE