I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
about cumming, not toast
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.