I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
