My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
