my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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