Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
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