i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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