the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
