So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
