Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
