How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
