If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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