Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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