I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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