as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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