4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
