Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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