When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
